living [together]

When I was young, I shared a bedroom with my sister. For 12 years of my life we slept in beds next to each other, played on our floor with one another and did things together.

I had this notion that when I came to college, sharing a room with 3 other people would be somewhat similar to sharing it with 1.

For the first few months, I was correct for the most part. I got along with everyone in my room and liked all of them. Because two instantly gravitated towards each other, I gravitated towards the other feeling that the two were exclusionary even though I wanted to be with them.

Surprisingly, our room was kind of like fun and games. We laughed while talking at night, watched movies while crowding next to each other on the futon and braided hair on the floor. We went to meals together, did activities together and went to take showers at the same time.

Basically, all of us led very similar lives and it was great but something always felt wrong (at least to me).

I knew I wasnt being myself when I was hanging out with one of my roommates. I let her overpower me and became a weak follower of hers as she did nothing except talk about herself and make fun of me often.

Until, one day when I had a conversation with my other roommates. It was basically about how they wanted me to be their friend and how I wanted to be their friend. How they were scared to start hanging out with me and I was scared to start hanging out with them. Viola! a new trio is born.

I was worried about being two-faced agreeing with the things "the two" said after agreeing with things "the one" had said (opposite things..) but I realized, I was just too cowardly to admit to the one what I thought and when one small thing bothered me, it escalated into many things with her.

After talking to "the one" about our living situation next year (basically telling her we didnt want to live with her), our room became tense. No knife-cutting tense. "The one" began going to meals alone and the three of us did everything together until "the other one" started drifting away too.

Not drifting away because she wanted to, but because something uncontrollable and life taking. Being upset has ensued for weeks, causing me and "the final one" to drift away from her. Its hard to handle, hard to know what to do.

Its becoming annoying, aggravating and too much.

Me and "the final one" have grown closer everyday, especially through the turmoil of our room. This bothers "the other one" a ton.

Now, its more drama.

Sometimes I wish things would go back to the way they were at the beginning of the year, but then I remember how much I hated college then. Sometimes all I can think about is "the other one" and "the one" leaving and making dorm life a lot less difficult.

I guess luckily, theres only a week left, but roommates change, relationships change and life changes oh so quickly right before your eyes.