Changes Are Hard

Yesterday, I felt almost like Amanda in "The Holiday"--I wanted to cry but couldn't get more than a few tears out. I know that I shouldn't compare myself to her as she couldn't cry for a different reason but I felt the same (or so it seemed).

The day had been coming for a while and it yesterday, it happened. My bedroom looked empty as the linens were stripped from the beds and pictures and desk materials were placed into bags and boxes. The rug was rolled up leaving the floor cold and bare and the missing curtains made the walls look bland and institutional-like.

Our large common room is close to empty--moving the remaining furniture didn't help. When we return in January, the room will look just as sad for a while and we won't know where to put things.

Yesterday was the day my roommate left and won't return to school until August. In January, I will drive her to the airport so she can hop on a plane to Australia--where she will be educated and live until June.

I am the closest to her--inside school and out. She knows everything about me and I know everything about her. Before bed every night we would talk about the day, about the future and about our opinions on things. Some nights, a hour and a half would go by before we finally said goodnight and drifted into a slumber, only to rekindle the conversation in the morning when we woke up for breakfast.

Neither of us had classes to early but up and attem at 7, we would arrive at the cafeteria by 8 for at least an hour breakfast. The workers know that we come together and ask for the other when one of us shows up alone. Meal time was our thing--breakfast, lunch and dinner we dined together.

If we were around in the afternoon, quiet time went down in our room. She sat at her desk with me at mine and we would work in silence until we were done..generally never disturbing the other unless something was too important to wait. If we were simply watching shows, laughter would ring from one of our mouths and the other would poke fun, questioning what could possibly be so funny.

Of course, there are other things that we did together and that she or I did and hopefully all of this will be the same come the summer and the fall when we go back to school after the break.

I was upset when the last of her things were packed tightly into the cars of her father and grandfather and tears ran down her cheeks despite her efforts to fan them away. I tried not to cry for her and myself because while I am upset at her departure, I am elated for her as she achieves her goals. If I had let my emotions run, I know she would have been more upset.

She will be coming back to school before she leaves--to see her boyfriend and our room. It will be weird as she steps in to a room that her things used to be in.

I had a hard time walking into my room yesterday and I know it will be harder when I move back in a month from now. To sleep in that room alone for the first time will be scary and strange but I can't change that.

In a way, her leaving is a good thing for me. I am almost afraid to be sad because I don't want it to seem that I am dependent on her but in a way I have been. We eat meals together and do everything together so I don't have that many other friends. I hope that when she is gone, I can learn to make new friends to eat with or go out with because that is important. When she comes back, life may go back or just change depending on what has gone on.

No matter what, I am so incredibly proud of her for being able to make a decision like the one she has made. To pick up and leave--be somewhere thats 24 hours away is crazy and ambitious and inspiring. She is following her dream of studying in Australia and that's what counts.

(Love ya m'am--you're the best roommate and friend a girl could have)