converting.

let me begin by saying: wow, what a week! probably one of the busiest ones i've had in a while. it was filled with papers, meetings, an interview, tests and many other things.

*disclaimer: i talk about religion in the rest of this post--a lot about Judiasm and my feelings on Christianity.

As everyone knows, today is Good Friday and this Sunday Easter. You might not be aware that Passover began on Monday and ends later on in the week.
When people talk about religion, I always get a bit uncomfortable. Its not because I dont believe in religion or anything like that, its more so because i've always been afraid to say what I am or really, what I want to be.

The background is that my mother is technically catholic. I say technically because she does not like to go to church, care about the meanings of any holidays, etc. My father is Jewish. Theres no more story to his religion. 


As a child, I was raised without a definite religion. We celebrated (and continue to celebrate) every holiday (except St. Patricks day..not Irish). Whenever someone asked me what religion I was, I would tell them I was "half catholic and half jewish" and they would ask "how?" 


I never really had an answer how. When I got older, I started making a joke about catholics taking the fathers religion and jews the mothers, so in the end they cancelled/stayed half and half. As a college student, whenever someone brings religion up I say that I am Jewish. 

My mom would prefer to be Jewish and my aunt (moms sister) is converting but I have never been pressured or influenced to choose judiasm as my religion.

Lately, I have been thinking about converting--to make myself "legit". In many ways, I am excited to do it. Some of the main reasons I have for doing it include knowing what I am and being able to have a religion. In other ways, I am apprehensive about going through with it. Some of it has to do with Christmas and such--will it feel weird to not be a part of the religion anymore? On the other hand, Christmas for us is nothing more than gifts and dinner (*thats not exactly true--my birthday is on Christmas too...)

I feel like a lot of times, people dont know how to say things when speaking to someone of another religion.
Roommate: Have a nice Easter weekend! Oh wait, you dont celebrate Easter..sorry! happy.....passover?
Me: Its okay!  thanks and I sorta do. you have a nice one too

I sometimes feel offended when people in the stores say "Have a nice holiday" in the few days before. Are you assuming I am celebrating? I am not sure whether this is more of a ignorance thing or actually being offended but still...why does everyone assume everyone is some denomination of Christian?

Many of the blogs I read are devout Christians--believing in Jesus and God for everything. I wish that I could believe that powerfully in all that someone does because it seems like those people are happy for what they have. God performs a miracle or he doesnt, gives wealth or doesnt, etc. I think its great that people have the ability to know and believe that God has done everything for a reason.

That being said, my admiration for those people does not mean I have a desire to be Christian because honestly, I do not. It means I have a desire to believe in something, to call my self something. 


Sometimes its so easy to go without believing because there is nothing holding you back. Other times, its harder.

I guess the point of this is that despite what I am, I have the desire to be something else. I can only wonder whether officiating my religion will make me more spiritual, more proud of my beliefs or anything like that.

I wonder if in the end, what I am or what you are really makes a difference to the people we are inside...and I have a hitch that it doesn't.

(So in the end, this wasnt only about religion...)