hide and seek

Hello there! Yes, I know its been a while!

Although its in my profile and about me, you might not know that I play an instrument--the violin. I played continuously for about eight and a half years and then this year, I took a year off because of school. Honestly, it was probably the worst mistake I could have made.

Now, I would never admit that to anyone in my family. They tried to push me to play and I wouldnt budge--I wasnt playing. Nope, not me. A lot of it had to do with not wanting to play but other parts was just because there was nowhere to play, no way to get to any rehearsals should they be somewhere off the shuttle line and other small problems that I called big ones.

This summer, I began taking private lessons to see whether I wanted to play again this school year. After 3 lessons, I was hooked again. It makes me feel good when I play and I enjoy it..sometimes i'm just afraid to admit it.

I dont think I could ever admit to anyone I know well that I enjoy it...and I am not sure why. Its not because I am embarrassed or anything  because why would I be? I want to be able to tell my mother that I love playing violin but I cant. Its like I am letting myself down in some sorts and I dont know why.

This violin dilemma is only one of things I cant admit to enjoy. For some reason, I have trouble telling people I like a lot of things. Some things I am embarrassed about though--for example, I think the one of the best jobs would be reborning dolls (look up reborn babies on google and see how realistic and beautiful they are). I love dolls and babies and creativity and designing but I would be too embarrassed to make dolls because people would think its weird.

I never realized the significant amount of pressure added to my life because I seem afraid to tell people things. From now on, I am working on telling people what I think, what I want and what I enjoy because its important. You cant live life hiding things from people and letting them find out through other means. So, I am saying "hello" to a new mindset and welcoming it happily.