needs

In general, I dont like summer.

I feel like everyone LOVES summer and I am the only one that basically never has a good time.

This summer, I was supposed to get a job. A real job that is where I work for a certain amount of times and receive a steady paycheck each week. A job different from the one I had last year. Early on though, before summer even started, I kind of committed myself to babysitting my cousin.

Now, dont get me wrong. I love babysitting and of course I love my cousin even more. She is the reason I stayed in-state for college and we spend a lot of time together anyway. But heres the thing, babysitting was never like this-- a full time job.

I love doing it, I really do but this summer I am feeling increasingly depressed and I think its from the babysitting. I want to cry all the time, I feel lonely and sad, I dont want to anything in my rare free time and everything annoys me. My interaction with others has been severely limited and I spend almost all of my time with a six year old.

Of course, when I have time to do stuff, I realize I have almost no friends (at least that live here) which makes me more upset. My best friend works all the time and my other friend has become increasingly difficult to deal with and mean.

I try to realize though that I cant rely on other people to make me happy. Its all up to me. Friends or not, I have myself and family and I guess thats all I really need.